The Beginners Guide To Parenting (Getting Started 101)
Divorce takes a lot out of one and is utterly unpleasant. The casualties of every divorce are the children in real sense. The innocent kids also have to endure the pain of a divorce. The stress that kids undergo during this time is felt for a long time afterward. If the divorce is not handled well, the effects of the divorce can be felt way into adulthood. So, the decision to get a divorce has become irreversible and it has to go through given the circumstances, how can couples help their children deal with divorce?
Listening needs to be the first thing you do. Listen to your child to ensure that your child knows that their opinion matters and that they are not insignificant. Listening to your child will alert you on the stages of grief that they are in and you can work it out together.
Then you shall need to break the news to the child in person. Both parents need to be there for this. Discuss the discussion between the two of you before taking it to your child as this will ensure all feelings of hurt, anger, and blame are kept out of the discussion. Understand what co-parenting is and what it entails beforehand including the child support guidelines that are in place. Respond to their questions as this will help your child understand more about what is to happen.
The kids will definitely react and in different times and ways. You should be ready for this and know how to help them and handle the reactions. You should let them know that it is okay for them to be upset and let them know that you care about how they feel. Not all kids will react as soon as the divorce is finalized but they might hold to their feelings a little bit longer. Some of them are afraid to feel sad and don’t know how to handle all the feelings or they just want to please you. Give them assurance that whenever they are ready to share what they feel, you will hear them out.
It will come a time when they need to cope with their reality and it will not be easy. They hope that their parents will be back together and everything will be back to normal. It is normal for them to miss their family and all their hopes and dreams as a family. Don’t make any promises to make them feel better but let them know that it is perfectly okay for them to hope. Encourage them and let them know what your plans are so that they won’t have false hope.